What Is Narcissism?
A narcissist is someone who is deeply self-absorbed. Think of Narcissus in Greek mythology. When a mother is narcissistic, she is unable to nurture her child(ren). She is incapable of being empathetic, show compassion, care, and love.
She has unreasonable expectations of receiving special treatment. She automatically expects requests she makes to be honored. She feels entitled. She is selfish. She is dogmatic.
My mother’s narcissism was apparent early in my childhood. She was often pessimistic, distant, as well as verbally and physically abusive. She had a distorted view of reality as she often only considered her point of view and perspective on things. Even if they were not congruent with actuality.
My feelings were seldom welcomed or validated. She was overprotective so school and home were all I knew. No extracurricular activities. No developing my artistic talents. No playing outside. I often felt imprisoned and abandoned.
A Mother/Daughter Relationship Should Be Sacred
A daughter needs a mother to encourage her. A daughter needs a mother to love her unconditionally. A daughter needs a mother to allow her the freedom to express herself. A daughter needs a mother to nurture her imagination. A daughter needs a mother to teach her that a path is just as important as the destination.
A daughter needs a mother to teach her that her body is a temple. A daughter needs a mother to teach her to indulge in her individuality. A daughter needs a mother who does not hesitate to show affection. A daughter needs a mother to foster her spiritual, psychological, and physical growth.
Alas! Healing.
My journey to healing commenced over a decade ago when I read, “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” by Dr. Karyl McBride. The book heals daughters of narcissistic mothers through various exercises and shared anecdotes. The exercises challenged me to channel to my younger self to deal with any pain that was both dormant and toxic.
In addition to intently reading Dr. McBride’s book, I completed a series of therapy sessions with a precocious therapist in Atlanta, GA. It was to ensure that there were no unresolved issues from my past. It was a life-changing experience.
My therapist performed Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy on me to fix deep-rooted issues that I may not have been aware are affecting my psyche. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy was developed by Francine Shapiro, Ph.D. It is an effective therapy used to aid people in overcoming psychological trauma. I would encourage anyone to have EMDR sessions with a professional.
God is Love
One thing that was constant throughout my life is God’s love. My relationship with the Omnipotent One strengthened as I learned to rely on Him for guidance, forgiveness, assurance, peace, and unwavering love. I experience God in an ethereal manner that is comforting and confirming.
As a child, I grew up in the church but it wasn’t until my late teenage years that I developed a personal relationship with God. A spiritual one rather than a religious one. I can affirm that God is palpable. We are all capable of tapping into our higher selves to experience the magnificent wonder that is God.
My faith has made me stoic, optimistic, discerning, among other things. It is because I know that a more potent energy surrounds me, enlightens me, and directs me that I can face and deal with fear, pain, disappointment, and other hurdles.
Psalm 103: 1-5 New King James Version
Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
3 Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
4 Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
5 Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The Bright Side
There are plenty of exemplary traits that I inherited from my mother. She is highly resourceful. An excellent cook. Charming. A great bargainer. A neat-freak. Learning to embrace the great qualities I have from my mother has helped me in my journey to healing.
I have learned to set healthy boundaries in our relationship. It is important that daughters of narcissistic mothers not play the blame game but instead recognize the problem and start on the journey of healing for a healthier life. Assertively taking responsibility for our own happiness is key. Be healed!
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-Love
